‘This is Kenya’. This familiar phrase is a colloquial used in
conversations among compatriots to downplay|casually mean whatever you think is strange or surprising is NOTHING NEW or as
the youths put it ‘Ivo ndivyo kunaendanga’.
Whenever BIG NEWS/BREAKING NEWS of an exposé of say a big
money scandal involving public officer or a ‘big fish’ loots from the public coffers millions of
money, grabs a public land, plunges a parastatal into financial doldrums the
phrase comes handy. I mean why is anyone a Kenyan citizen surprised that such a
thing has happened or that a certain individual is the mastermind or a
beneficiary? We are so used or accepted such happenings as the Kenyan norm. And
why so? Simple. Because if I were in the ‘culprit’s’ position I would do
likewise. After all who enjoys waking up at the crack of dawn and sleeping late
in the night doing jobs whose rewards are merge and cannot match the efforts?
What more, whoever ‘hits big ’ automatically acquires IMMUNITY from
the system itself, our very history is witness to this.
Dear compatriots, the above are just an ‘old school’ style
of doing things and getting away with them. In this ‘digital’ era folks you
must be a bit smart. We live in times that when you commit a ‘normal’ (rather
dishonorable or bound to cause uproar), you need an EXONORATOR. And oh, I don’t
mean the Mutunga courts as our honorable members are fond of referring the
judicial arm as. NO. It is rather the highest, powerful institution of justice
the Kenyan style, the Public Opinion Court; what people say or think.
This distinguished institution is what you to win hearts’
of. With it you are sure to ward of nightmares that accompany the big hit; the
fifty shades of tint you persona and reputation, the bad blood with those who
could not do it or unhappy that it is you who did it, the moral cops who cannot
do it |who think you have committed a crime| and of course the Mutunga courts
which are more cautious not to irk the people whose interests they serve than
to exercise the penal code. What more it
is pro-Bono ,no legal fees required.
Be warned though! This road is not an easy one as the words
may imply. NO. It is an ‘investment’ that will cost you financially and deprive
a few days’ morning sleep, well before the repose. But not to worry, just
follow my tried ,tested and proved lead. Are you a Cabinet Secretary,
parastatal head or member or a high
profile officer, under whose domain big money
reigns and have access to or
controls resources worth a mention? Say you are a tenderpreneurer, a land
grabber of a public utility or a beneficially of a financial scam. Your seventh
sense has come to your aid that hell is about to break loose sooner than later.
Call the ‘Breaking news’ starved press, put on a show of a patriot and play
your exposé tape. Tell us that the cartels had you shape in or shape out,
borrow a leaf from the likes of Wikileaks if you so wish. Tell the nation of a
cartel that has reaped off us the resources and whose effects will be felt by
its third to come.
The truth of the matter is that you are not saying anything
new, you are confirming a rumour doing rounds in the
media for the last or so. You will be killing two birds with one pebble; one,
the media where the rumour originated takes credit. Two, you have shielded off
the blame that follow. Bingo!
Leave the rest to ‘analysts’
in the main stream media and
hired keyboard warriors in the social media to keep us busy before a better
tape is played by somebody else of your ilk in a week’s time. If things don’t
work out according to plan, quit and we will forget you like Matemo of EACC.
Life goes on. This is Kenya.
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